You know you are pregnant when...
1. You are tired. All. The. Time.
2. And yet sleep is impossible.
3. You spend your entire 1st trimester wishing you looked pregnant.
4. You spend your entire 3rd trimester wishing you looked less pregnant.
5. You must change your underwear 5 times a day.
6. Wiping is now marathon event.
7. You avoid laughing, squatting, bumpy rides or sneezing (especially sneezing!) out of fear that you might pee yourself.
8. You can name all the toppings on a pizza with one quick sniff.
9. That one quick sniff will likely make you vomit.
10. You do your best to avoid public transit (see #7 and #9 for reasoning).
11. Strangers on the aforementioned public transit avoid eye contact (I know you see me, douche bag!)
12. You frantically look for your phone...while talking on the phone.
13. You finally accept that 'pregnancy brain' is a real thing.
14. You feel really special that you get to park in pink parking spaces.
15. You notice that the legs of your dining room chairs haven't been washed in ages (ever?)
16. You must wash the legs of your dining room chairs NOW!
17. You tear up listening to the Land Before Time theme song because it is just so gosh-darn nostalgic -- link here if you want to have a good cry.
18. You tear up when your husband brings home the wrong ice cream flavour.
19. You buy your first pair of Granny Panties and actually love wearing them.
20. Your bed looks like Mount Everest.
21. You spend your life counting down the days until your next midwife appointment or ultrasound.
22. And get really excited when you only have to wait 1 week between appointments.
23. You learn that there are more fruits out there than you thought, and that the size difference between an avocado and a lemon is two weeks.
24. The first thing you do when you enter an unfamiliar building is to be sure you know the location of the closest bathroom.
25. You refuse to wear anything without an elastic waistband.
26. You obsessively bounce on a birth ball for hours.
27. You find yourself shopping online for the best nursing pads at 2am.
28. You sit on the toilet for 10 extra minutes just to see if you can pee twice (yay efficiency!)
29. You feel like a bowel movement is tweet worthy #ifinallypooped
30. Your shoes have miraculously shrunk in size (I swear!).
Now it's your turn to finish the sentence. You know you're pregnant when...
Kiss-ass doula, pretty okay-ish mom, spreadsheet enthusiast, punctuality freak, ice cream addict.